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It's nice, but it definitely needs some type of refrain. You know, something catchy with full-bodied harmonies and a different beat than the rest of the song. Maybe take the beat from the industrial to something slightly more idyllic or dream-like; like the lonely feeling of a strong light relfecting off rusted metal.
Just some thoughts; I'm excited to hear the full version. :)

Phyrnna responds:

The full version certainly does have a refrain. ;)

Hey, I remember this!

This is one of the pieces I put in Brawl when I hacked it.
Top-notch work, bro. :)

ATProductions responds:

WOW! Now that's great! Thank you so much for your kindness!

Sweet.

This is awesome. It's got a great wintery feel with a quick beat, I love it. I only have one suggestion; maybe try and emphasize the harmony between "instruments" throughout the song that same way you did from 1:34-1:55. That was freakin' cool. :D

DiroNomer responds:

Thanks. I really appreciate the love.

Wow, very nice!

Nice opening. I really liked when the melody was given the driving beat, then the handoff to the piano, the introduction of a new melody, and then finally the overlaying of the melodies on top of each other as all the instruments are reintroduced. That was just...awesome. :D Fantastic way to end, too. You've made something really great here. :)

It's good.

I like how you began the song. The drums and bass were introduced fairly well. This bass melody was a good choice to start with. I have to say, I'm not a fan of the "ung" noises, but it's personal taste. I think you may have more sucess with the "ung" if you were to tone down the volume a little. I also think it might be interesting to introduce a key change, even this early in the song. At ~1:28 you reduced the song to just the drums. Reduction of a song to set up a change in melody can be an effective technique, but you might consider buffing it with something else. Even a two note synthetic suspended chord would do wonders for your lull. Crescendos and decrescendos might be good to use with the chord. A key change could fit in here too. I like your melody at 1:43.
On the whole this is a fairly well balanced song. I think the introduction of an electric violin for part of a layered melody would've fit this song perfectly and given it a more dynamic vibe. I think you should definitely experiment with key changes, it'll give your song a more "alive" feeling to it. I guess the bottom line is: experiment with different feels and vibes in your songs by switching up chord progressions and experimenting with key changes. I think it'll really give it more vibrance and emotion.

AHA! I know what this needs now,

I was listening to this and I was thinking, "this is really an excellent song, but there's something missing. Right there in the middle, something needs to be there." (just an explanation as to what that means, when I listen to music I can take each component and graph it mentally on an imaginary plane. The coordinates, size, shape, and color each depend on how the music is balanced and the frequencies of the tones.) Basically, what I was seeing was a big hole in the middle. I tried inserting my own melody, similar to what is in the NG song "Forever Fantasy" if you care to look it up, and it worked really well. Anywho, try adding a synthetic, mellow, wind instument to play a "dancing" melody (introduced at 1:10 maybe?) that doesn't exactly follow the flow of the melody you already have, but try to sync it up in significant chords at regular intervals in the song. Maybe give it a bit of an echo quality.
Wow, I am not expressing this right at all. :/
Sorry if none of that made sense. Anyway, if you do end up trying some of this, I'd love to hear it.

This'd be good for a small game menu.

^ What this guy said. XD

KieranNG responds:

what? who?

BEST NAME EVER.

Really, that's THE best name.
Song was good too, but the NAME!

P.S. That's an awesome name. :3

It immediately grabs you and never lets go.

What an amazing song! It's so smooth and soothing.

Nayhan responds:

I'm glad (: ..thanks

It's alright.

It definitely needs more structure tho. At some points it sounded like your were just throwing random notes in there. On a positive note, I like the atmosphere it gives.

JakesFable responds:

Thanks for the tips man, but I'm wondering where it sounded like random notes? 1:03-1:16? That's the closest random part I could hear, even know it wasn't made randomly. But about the bigger structure part, I didn't think it was quite needed because this wasn't meant to be built to sound so broad, just an easy to listen to song, and theres a couple of structured parts in this song, just not all :P But thanks for your intake and review man!

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